


Ramblings of a Crazy Old Hermit - Day 119

by crazyoldhermit



Series: Obi-Wan Kenobi: Ramblings of a Crazy Old Hermit [5]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Gen, Satire
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-17
Updated: 2016-03-17
Packaged: 2018-05-27 06:46:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 418
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6273973
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/crazyoldhermit/pseuds/crazyoldhermit
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The satirical saga continues of Obi-Wan Kenobi during his time on Tatooine.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Ramblings of a Crazy Old Hermit - Day 119

TATOOINE - Day 119: 

Yesterday when I arrived back to my hut I found the Skywalker infant abandoned on the doorstep! I then heard a woman's scream coming from just beyond the dunes. It turned out the "woman" was Owen Lars being beaten mercilessly by five Tuskens. I drew my saber for the first time since I arrived on this sphincter of a planet. While holding the baby under one arm, I sliced and diced three of the Tuskens without breaking a sweat. The fourth got away in Owen's landspeeder, and the fifth one was squatting over Lars choking him with his gloved hands. I felt the dark side wash over me like when you take the first drag of a death stick. I waited longer than I should have before removing the Tusken's head. With my one free hand I began choking Owen myself. There was something about the skin on skin contact that was far more satisfying than a force choke. "How dare you leave this child out in the elements," I shouted. He attempted to speak as his eyes began to bulge out of his weathered face. I reluctantly released him, and comforted Luke as Owen got his bearings. He promised me that he had watched Luke from behind the dune as he waited for me to return. Utterly disgusted with the man, I walked away, leaving him sitting in the sand surrounded by a pool of his own filth. I picked up the baby bottle from outside my door and then delicately placed the sleeping Luke on my bed. To my surprise Owen entered my hut behind me. "You need to burn the bodies of those sand bastards," he said casually. I asked him why he cared. He said there wasn't a weapon on Tatooine that could sever a limb and cauterize it at the same time. At that moment I wanted to cauterize the hell out of him, but of course he was right. Lightsaber wounds would bring me unnecessary attention. I rummaged through some robes of mine in order to wrap Luke in something. I had only one question that I needed answered from the coward that stood before me. "Why would you take this child in if you didn't want him?" Owen stared at the floor and had the guilty expression of a youngling who had just gotten caught by Master Yoda giving force wedgies to the other children. "Because," he began, "I am responsible for the death of that baby's grandmother."


End file.
